How to Cope with an Abortion and Find Support in NYC

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

An abortion experience can be incredibly complex, filled with a wide range of emotions and unique circumstances. While it may seem like most people feel relief after an abortion, the reality is that people experience a lot of complex feelings. 

Some of these feelings may arise immediately, while others may surface days, weeks or even years later. There is no “right” way to feel after an abortion - your emotions are valid, even if they are unexpected or don’t match what you think you “should” feel.

Society often silences post-abortion distress, portraying abortion as a clear-cut decision with minimal emotional impact. But the truth is that abortion affects people differently. This experience deserves thoughtful processing and care, not judgment or dismissal. 

If you are struggling to make sense of your emotions after an abortion, know that you are not alone. This article provides an overview of common post-abortion feelings, suggestions for self-care, and resources like Avail NYC that can support you through the processing of this complex experience.

Normalizing Complex Emotions

It's normal to experience a wide range of emotions after an abortion. Some common feelings include relief, sadness, anger, guilt, or emptiness. Your emotions may seem confusing or even contradictory. Give yourself permission to feel everything without having to immediately understand. 

Remember that your feelings are valid, whatever they may be. You are not alone. Many people struggle to process their abortion experience and the associated emotions. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, without judgment or shame. Emotions are neither "good" nor "bad." They simply exist. 

Seeking to understand, accept, and care for yourself as you work through this challenging experience is an act of courage and self-compassion. Be patient, take things one day at a time, and know that you have the inner resources to find meaning and integration.

Grief and Loss

It's common to grieve after an abortion. Abortion can bring up many complex emotions and a sense of loss. Even if you felt like abortion was the right decision for you at the time, you may still experience grief and a feeling of emptiness. Grief is a natural response to loss - and with abortion there can be many losses to grieve, whether it's the loss of potential, a vision for the future, or hopes and dreams connected to pregnancy and parenthood. 

The grief may come in waves or hit all at once. You may struggle with feelings of regret, guilt, anger or profound sadness. Know that these feelings are normal, even years after the abortion. 

Don't judge or berate yourself. Be gentle, patient and grant yourself grace as you process the grief. Find people who will listen without judgment and offer real support. Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor to help work through the grief in a productive way. There are many who understand what you're going through. You don't need to walk this road alone.

Shame and Stigma

When abortion is discussed, it’s often in broad, impersonal terms about rights and laws. But for the person experiencing it, abortion can be a deeply personal and emotional experience. 

There’s often stigma and taboo around abortion in society. Whether people debate it openly or consider it unspeakable, the stigma may make people feel judged or condemned. This can also add to feelings of shame for someone already struggling with complex emotions. 

Many women and men choose to keep their abortion private due to fear of social side effects. They may worry what loved ones or community members will think if they find out. However, this secrecy and isolation can intensify feelings of shame and make healing more difficult. It takes courage to open up about one's experience, but sharing with trusted, non-judgmental listeners can help to release shame. 

No one should have to face stigma or condemnation for making a difficult personal decision. Abortion may stir up strong emotions, but shaming only causes more hurt. When stories are told without fear or judgment, stigma, or condemnation, compassion and connections flourish. This allows for authentic healing.

Seeking Support

If you’ve had an abortion experience, know that you don't have to process it alone. Seeking support can help you work through the complex feelings that may arise. 

One of the most important things is to identify supportive people in your life who will listen without judgment. Confide in someone you trust: a friend, family member, partner, mentor, mental health professional, or faith leader. Find communities, in-person or online, of others who have had similar experiences. 

Connecting with people who understand can provide much-needed comfort and reassurance. You don't need to hide your story or pretend to "move on." Give yourself permission to authentically grieve if needed. 

Lean on your support system during the more difficult times. Talk about what happened, how you feel, what you're struggling with, or what you need. Let them reassure and encourage you. Though it may seem hard at first, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings can be very cathartic. You may be surprised by the amount of care expressed. 

You have people rooting for you - don't forget to reach out. Sharing your experience with loved ones can help lighten the emotional load and nurture your healing process. You don't need to walk this path alone.

Self-Care

The grieving process after an abortion can be emotionally and physically taxing. That's why self-care is crucial during this time. Here are some self-care practices to help you process the grief:

• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you work through the grief. Journal about your emotions, questions, doubts, etc.
• Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins which can boost your mood. Take a walk, do some yoga, lift weights - find movement that makes you feel good. 
• Get outdoors: Spending time in nature can be calming and therapeutic. Take a hike, go to the beach, walk through a park or garden. Breathe in the fresh air.
• Pamper Yourself: Do something nourishing just for you - take a bubble bath, get a massage, cook a nice meal. You deserve some special care.
• Limit media consumption: Take a break from nonstop news and social media. Overexposure can heighten anxiety. 
• Connect with supportive people: Share your feelings with trusted friends and family who will listen without judgment. 
• Consider counseling: Speaking with a therapist can help facilitate the healing process.
• Get enough rest: Grief can be exhausting. Make sure you're allowing your body the sleep it needs.

With patience and self-compassion, you can move through the grief. Take it one day at a time.

Finding Meaning and Hope

A common struggle after abortion is finding meaning in the experience. Women and men can feel conflicted because society often portrays abortion as an inherently negative event. However, many later say that the experience contributes to their sense of purpose, meaning and personal growth. 

Seeking a greater purpose is an important part of processing complex emotions like grief. Reflecting on your abortion experience can help uncover positive insights. For example, the abortion may have given you a deeper appreciation of life's fragility and preciousness. Or it may have clarified your personal values and goals. 

With time and self-compassion, most people feel their abortion experience gave them more wisdom, strength and resilience. Though the emotions can be challenging, meaning and personal growth helps with processing grief. Reframing your abortion as an important life event can help restore hope and empowerment.

Many people experience renewed hope and meaning after processing their abortion experience. Though the grief may feel overwhelming at first, know that you can get through this difficult time. With the right support and tools for self-care, the pain will lessen, and you can move forward with more wisdom and compassion.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

Avail NYC provides free, confidential emotional support and guidance to women and men who've had an abortion experience. Our caring network understands the complex emotions that can come with these experiences. 

Avail NYC's services include:

• Judgment-free emotional support and counseling with trained Advocates who have been through their own journey of loss and renewal. We're here to listen without an agenda.
• Support groups that allow you to share experiences and insights in a safe, understanding environment. There's comfort in knowing you're not alone. 
• Referrals to professional mental health services, with sliding scale fees available, helping you access the additional care you may need.
• Practical resources to process your experience and the range of emotions that may accompany it. Regain a sense of hope, purpose, and confidence.

If you or a loved one are carrying feelings of grief, guilt, anxiety, or depression after an unexpected pregnancy, Avail NYC is here. Reach out any time to talk to an advocate completely confidentially. The first step is making the call.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

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