Who Should I Talk to About My Unexpected Pregnancy?

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

Maybe you went to a doctor's office, and maybe you used an at-home kit, but the result is the same: you're pregnant, and it's totally unexpected. Probably one of your first thoughts after you find out is, who can I tell about this? You may not want to talk to anyone about it, or you may feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, even if you want to. Both responses are completely valid.

During this time--as always--it's important to prioritize your physical and emotional health and safety. Because an unexpected pregnancy can be such a sensitive topic, it's important to think carefully about who you talk about it with. You might talk to a partner, relative, friend, or mentor, but regardless of their relationship to you, here are some key traits they should have:



Good listeners don't interrupt and don't immediately respond with their opinions or judgments. You may ask for those after you explain what's going on, but good listeners don't start the conversation with their thoughts. Instead, they allow you to process your feelings, taking as much time as you need. They are comfortable with silence and displays of emotion--or lack of emotion. They create a safe space for you to work through what you're feeling and thinking. The key to healthy relationships is cultivating this kind of good listening (here are four tips to improve communication in your relationship). 

No one is a perfect listener, but think back to conversations you have had with this person. Do they usually listen to you without pressure and without reacting defensively to what you say? That's a good sign they are someone safe you can talk to.

To move forward with confidence, you need to know what your values are and what decisions will help align you with them. Someone who knows you and your values well will be vital in helping you do this. People who don't know you well or don't respect your deepest values may think they know what the right solution is for you, but such an option will not be empowering or satisfying for you. Have you talked with this person before about your dreams and goals for your life and about the kind of person you want to be? Have they supported you in this? If so, they will probably help you process your unexpected pregnancy in a way that is productive and affirming.



Consider how this person talks about other people behind their backs. Chances are high that if they gossip a lot about others, they may do the same about you when you're not there. Have they told you confidential information about someone else, or do they tend to keep secrets well? If they have a habit of talking unkindly about people who aren't present, they may not be a trustworthy person to share this information with.

Although it might feel scary or daunting, it’s important to find someone to talk with. An unexpected pregnancy can bring with it a host of different emotions, practical questions, and health concerns. Studies have shown that a supportive community is important for processing a significant life event. Verbally processing can help you determine what you really want and what your best next steps are. You often already know what these things are, but you may not be able to realize them until you articulate them out loud. And if you aren't sure what you want or what to do next, having a wise, compassionate advisor is vital.

If you aren't able to find a safe person to talk to, or you simply want more support, consider scheduling a free online or in-person appointment with a Client Advocate at Avail NYC. Our Client Advocates are experts in compassionate, non-judgemental listening in a completely confidential environment. They can help you process your unexpected pregnancy and direct you to the resources you need. They can also advise you on how to strengthen your relationships so you have more safe people to talk to.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.