I Don't Want My Girlfriend To Get An Abortion

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

If your girlfriend is pregnant, it can be challenging to know how to be a support to her while navigating your own thoughts and feelings about the pregnancy. An unexpected pregnancy is a lot to process, for everyone involved. Many men may think they shouldn’t have feelings surrounding an unexpected pregnancy, but it’s actually normal for men to feel fearful, overwhelmed, and anxious about the decisions ahead. 

It is important to try to understand your partner and create a safe space in this process.

You might not know what your girlfriend needs in an unexpected pregnancy which may lead you to feel like you should back off and let her decide on her own. Even if you are not sure what she needs, stay present. Remind your girlfriend that you are there for her and commit to supporting her through this process. Actively listen to her fears and concerns. 

An abortion decision is an intimate decision between you and your partner; here are a few practical ways for you to create a supportive environment and safe space for your partner as you navigate through an unexpected pregnancy. 

Women may choose to have an abortion for a variety of reasons. She may feel that it is not the right time for her to have a child because of practical reasons like financial concerns and her desire to reach specific goals. She may fear sharing the news of a pregnancy with family or friends because of a potentially negative response. Another reason she may consider abortion is that she doesn’t feel safe with or supported in the relationship. 

Share your feelings with her vulnerably without dumping your anxiety on your partner. Take time to think through your feelings for yourself and let your partner know you want to talk. Be cautious not to delay sharing your feelings and support. Listen and speak in a respectful manner, not making her feel pressure or judgment from you. 

Many men feel that being supportive is best displayed by saying a derivative of the following: “I’ll support you no matter what you choose”, however, this doesn't provide support nor take a posture of responsibility. This would probably be a frustrating interaction for your girlfriend. Similarly, saying, “It’s your choice, I’ll support whatever you decide”, puts the full weight and responsibility on your partner, making her feel even more alone. 

Being supportive, especially if you don’t want your girlfriend to choose abortion, looks like addressing your girlfriend’s concerns and taking accountability and initiative in the areas you are responsible. This looks like actively validating your girlfriend’s concerns and addressing them. 

Here are ways you can be supportive in your girlfriend’s fears and concerns.

• Financial: Express the desire to participate in supporting financial needs. 
• Family: Assure your partner you will be by her side when she has difficult conversations, connect with a client advocate at Avail NYC or another wise and trusted person to help prepare for any difficult conversations.
• Education: Navigating education while facing an unexpected pregnancy is challenging, but not impossible. Show her you are committed to ensuring she is able to continue to meet her educational goals. 
• Fatherhood: Whether or not a romantic relationship continues, it is important that you demonstrate a commitment to being an engaged and present father. This is perhaps one of the most important aspects and responsibilities you have when supporting your girlfriend in an unexpected pregnancy. 
• Relationship: Being a safe person is a key factor when facing an unexpected pregnancy. Show her you can be trusted. This may mean addressing areas of your life that lack maturity and or need more development. It’s ok if you still have areas where you need to grow, by showing her you’ll listen to her, she can trust you’re a safe person to parent or co-parent with. 
  

There are many resources available to support women and men in the decision-making process. It can be helpful to speak with someone who has made the decision you are considering. At Avail NYC, you can speak confidentially with male client advocates about your options. 

Making a decision about an unexpected pregnancy is significant and considering all the “what ifs” in each option can be overwhelming. Carrying a pregnancy to term or going through an abortion will most immediately affect your partner physically. Make a safe space for your partner to share her feelings with you. If she is feeling pressure from you (towards either decision), she may not feel comfortable to honestly process her feelings with you. Think through what you want to share with her and avoid being manipulative. Do not shame her for considering an abortion, but listen patiently.

If you're still struggling with what to say, Avail NYC has trained, unbiased client advocates who are here to help in a supportive, non-jugmental space. You can meet with a male client advocate individually or with your partner. We are here to support you and her in this journey.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.