She Told You She’s Pregnant, Now What

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

It’s a conversation you were not ready to have. She calls you up. Maybe she texts you. Maybe you’re in the car.

“I’m pregnant.”

A million thoughts go through your head all at once. A million emotions too. Emotions you’ve never felt before. You don’t have names for them. You don’t know where to begin. What to say. What not to say. 

Learning that your partner is unexpectedly pregnant can be one of the most difficult things to face. You want to be there for her, but you don’t know how. You want to communicate with her, but you don’t know how. You want to tell her how you feel, but you don’t even know how to understand your own feelings.

If you'd like guidance/practice for this conversation or how to approach this topic, Avail NYC has trained male client advocates who can help you process an unexpected pregnancy. 

Here are 4 ways you can support your partner emotionally and practically:

Active listening involves listening, asking questions, and then rephrasing what she has said and saying it back to her. This technique will help you understand where she’s coming from and show her that you are engaged and truly hearing her. 

The thing she needs most right now is a safe person to process this information with. That’s your job. 

It’s important for your partner to know how you’re truly feeling. Take time to process your thoughts and emotions about the pregnancy. Write them down if you want to. That way when she asks you how you’re feeling, you’ll be able to communicate openly and honestly. 

She needs to know that you are processing this decision alongside her and your vulnerability can give her strength. Honesty and openness strengthen your bond and it is crucial to lean into one another when you're facing a difficult situation. 

Aside from communicating your emotions honestly, you need to be there for her in tangible and practical ways. Check in on her. Cook her favorite meal and do the dishes. Hold her hand and ask her if she wants to talk right now. Offer to take her to the doctor for a check-up. Think of ways you can relieve some of the stresses in her life so that she can focus on this decision.

Don’t just say you’ll be there for her, show her that you’re there for her.

It’s likely that your partner is feeling intense pressure from all angles at this moment. Not to mention, pregnancy symptoms that may be overwhelming for her. You need to be the rock in the storm. As best you can, make sure she knows that you are there to support her and to be the one person she can confide in. 

Instead of trying to fix the situation, create a safe space for her to process her own feelings and values. She may feel like her mind is racing and she can’t unscramble her own thoughts. She may feel like she has no one else to talk to. Allow her a moment to breathe and process what she really needs and wants.

If you or your girlfriend want to talk through any unresolved thoughts or emotions in an unexpected pregnancy, Avail NYC is here for you. We provide no-cost, one-on-one advocacy and support groups led by compassionate and skilled advocates. Make a free, confidential appointment today.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.