My Girlfriend Just Told Me She Had an Abortion

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

It's never easy to process the news that your girlfriend has had an abortion in her past. It can bring up a lot of mixed emotions, from grief and sadness to confusion and anger. However, it is important to remember that healing is possible after this difficult experience. Here are some tips for how you can heal together:

Talk Openly About the Abortion

Open communication between partners is key when it comes to healing from any kind of trauma or pain. In every aspect, it’s important to approach this conversation openly and with respect. It's taken a lot of courage for your girlfriend to come to you with this. Let her know that you are there for her when she's ready to talk about what happened and how she feels about it now. Showing empathy will help create a safe environment where both of you feel comfortable talking freely without judgment or shame attached to the topic at hand.

Spend Quality Time Together

Taking breaks away from discussing the abortion will help keep things lighthearted while still allowing both you and your girlfriend space for growth and understanding. Doing something fun such as going on walks outside, playing board games indoors, dancing to music, or engaging in creative activities (like painting) could be great ways just spend quality time with each other while also providing emotional outlets where necessary. 

Watch Out for Triggers

It’s important to understand that your girlfriend might either have a whole range of negative emotions, or none, tied to the abortion experience. As a supportive partner, you can learn about Post-Abortion Syndrome Symptoms (PASS), a condition that the American Psychological Association researched that found “it is clear that some women do experience sadness, grief, and feelings of loss following termination of a pregnancy, and some experience clinically significant disorders, including depression and anxiety.”

If your girlfriend makes any comments suggesting she is contemplating suicide, contact a physician or mental health professional immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached 24/7.

Seek Support from Avail NYC

If either one of you feels like they need extra support during this time, don't hesitate to seek out support from Avail NYC. Having an objective third-party present may be beneficial for getting through tough conversations more easily and finding ways forward towards recovery faster than trying on your own might allow for.

Overall, no matter what the path towards healing looks like, know that there’s always hope! With patience and understanding between partners — even amidst challenging times — true recovery and peace are possible. 

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.