How to Forgive Your Partner After an Abortion

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

Relationships have always been full of complexity and nuance. At their best, they offer a space of mutual exploration, where you and your partner learn from one another and work toward unity.

One of the most revealing parts of any relationship is how you walk through difficult moments together. For some couples, one of those moments may be navigating the emotional aftermath of an abortion.

This experience can feel deeply personal and, at times, overwhelming—especially when forgiveness becomes part of the healing process. You might find yourself trying to make sense of your emotions, unsure how to process what has happened. Perhaps you are still in the relationship and working through forgiveness with your partner. Or maybe the relationship has ended, and now you are left wondering how to move forward on your own.

You may be asking, How do I forgive them? Can I find peace after this? What does healing even look like?

Whatever you are experiencing, know that your feelings are valid. Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s often a necessary and meaningful part of finding peace.

What forgiveness really means

By definition, forgiveness is a choice to let go of resentment, anger, and the desire to punish or get revenge on someone who has hurt you. It does not mean forgetting what happened, condoning the behavior, or even reconciling the relationship.

Forgiveness means acknowledging both the hurt and the harm—and still choosing to release its hold on you.

Many people struggle to forgive, believing that the forgiveness means excusing someone’s actions or pretending that what happened was okay. In reality, it is the opposite. Forgiveness says, What happened affected me deeply, but I am choosing to let go of the weight it carries so that I can begin to heal. That choice is yours to make, when you are ready.

Forgiveness is not a single moment. It is not a neat before-and-after experience. It often unfolds in (sometimes surprising) layers. You might find yourself forgiving one part of the story, only to have new emotions surface weeks or months later. This does not mean you are doing it wrong. It simply means you are human.

Many people hesitate to forgive because they fear it means giving up their sense of justice, dignity, or self-respect.

But forgiveness is not about pretending the past did not happen. It is not about minimizing your pain, forgetting what was said or done, or rushing yourself to move on. Forgiveness is about refusing to let the past control your present.

In many ways, forgiveness is an act of self-protection. Anger and hurt can take up emotional, mental, and even physical energy, leaving you depleted. Letting go doesn’t excuse the pain; it simply keeps the pain from defining you.

And forgiveness does not have to lead you back to the relationship. You can forgive someone and still decide that distance, boundaries, or closure is what is healthiest for you. In that sense, forgiveness becomes a way to reclaim your peace. Forgiveness gives you your power back.

Forgiveness does not always involve someone else. Sometimes, the hardest part is offering it to yourself. 

You may be carrying regret about what you said or didn’t say. You may wish you had made a different decision or handled things another way. You might be holding onto guilt for choices you made or for simply being in a situation you never expected to face.

Self-forgiveness can be the hardest kind, because we often hold ourselves to impossible standards. But healing cannot fully take root without extending compassion inward too.

There may be a quiet moment when you look in the mirror and whisper, I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. That simple acknowledgment can be more healing than anything someone else could say.

For many, self-forgiveness is a form of grace that becomes the doorway to emotional freedom.

Forgiveness takes time

You might be thinking, But how do I acknowledge what happened and still forgive?

The honest answer is that it takes time. Forgiveness is not a quick decision or a straight path. It often comes in waves, and it rarely happens all at once.

One thing we always remind people in our after-abortion meet up is this: grief has no timeline. It is natural to feel pressure to move on or wonder how long healing should take. But the process of forgiveness looks different for everyone. Some days you may feel open and ready to let go. Other days, not at all. Both are part of the journey.

The encouragement is always to give yourself grace. That word, grace, becomes something we return to again and again. It is a reminder that healing has no deadline.

Forgiveness often begins with one honest conversation. Maybe there is a moment when you finally sit down with your partner after weeks of quiet distance. You say, with a trembling voice, “I am hurt, and I do not know how to talk about it.” Your partner does not try to fix it or defend themselves. They simply listen. That moment does not make everything better, but it becomes a first small step toward emotional release.

Another evening, grief may rise unexpectedly. Maybe on the train ride home, or in the shower, or during a quiet moment before bed. Instead of pushing the emotion away, you let yourself cry. No blame. No guilt. Just truth. That too is part of forgiveness.

These moments remind you that forgiveness does not mean shutting down your emotions. It means letting them move through you, so they do not harden into resentment.

Forgiveness in relationship

You might stumble across a moment when you see your partner grieving quietly in their own way. Maybe they are putting away a baby item, replaying conversations, or breaking down in tears when they think no one is watching.

Suddenly, the situation no longer feels like your pain versus theirs. You realize that both of you were overwhelmed, scared, and doing the best you could at the time. That awareness does not erase the hurt, but it can soften the space around it.

Do not be afraid to name what you need. In some relationships, healing begins when someone gently says, I want to walk toward forgiveness, but I need emotional consistency from you. Your partner may respond by checking in more often, asking how you are feeling, or simply being present in ways they were not before.

These small shifts do not make everything better, but they help rebuild trust. They make forgiveness feel possible rather than pressured.

If the relationship has ended, forgiveness might take a different shape. You may still be carrying unanswered questions or emotions that feel unresolved. Even without ongoing connection, there can still be space for healing and release.

Sometimes, forgiveness looks like having a calm conversation months later. You say, “I do not hold anger toward you anymore, but I am choosing a path that brings me peace.” That moment can mark the beginning of a new chapter. One that does not require reconciliation to be meaningful.

Forgiveness becomes a gift you give yourself, not a reward for the other person. And in the quiet that follows, make sure you are also forgiving yourself.

It might also mean choosing to move forward quietly, without ever having that final conversation. You carry the lessons, the grief, and the growth with you. And you let go. Not because it was easy, but because you are ready.

Forgiveness does not erase the story. It simply allows you to stop carrying its heaviest parts.

Whether you are navigating forgiveness with a partner, seeking closure on your own, or simply trying to process the weight of your experience, you do not have to go through it alone. 

Avail offers compassionate, confidential support for women and men through one-on-one conversations with trained care experts. You can connect over Zoom or by text, in a space that is respectful and focused on what matters to you.

Whether you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply unsure where to begin, you are welcome here. There is no expectation to have the right words or the right answers. Just a place to start.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.