Recognizing Relationship Red Flags

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

We develop relationships and connections throughout our lives with family members, friends, co-workers, and romantic partners. Because of this, it’s important to understand the differences between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes, these differences can be hard to notice in our own relationships, especially when emotions are involved.

For women and men facing a past or present unexpected pregnancy, it’s especially important to foster a healthy relationship with your partner so that you both can process and heal in a safe environment. 

In this article, we'll explore what makes up healthy relationships, helping you recognize their positive traits. We'll also examine the signs of an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, empowering you with the knowledge to ensure your safety and happiness. As you navigate the journey ahead of you, you’re not alone. Our personal advocates are here to offer resources and support every step of the way. 

What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

Although everyone has their own idea of what a good, healthy relationship looks like, there are important foundations for everyone. A healthy relationship is a partnership based on shared trust, mutual respect, open and honest communication, and equality. Both you and your partner should feel valued, supported, and safe. 

In a healthy relationship, each person chooses to join and stay in the relationship together. Although connected, it’s critical to avoid codependency, or prioritizing the needs of the other person above your own. The relationship should allow each person room to grow, pursue their own passions, and find fulfillment. 

While no one is perfect all the time, healthy relationships strive for improvement and are places where mistakes can be talked about and forgiven. The disagreement can be overcome by communication and mutual commitment to connection, ultimately prioritizing listening and understanding to reestablish a sense of safety and understanding.

How Do I Know If My Relationship is Healthy?

In any relationship, it’s important to take time to pause and reflect on its strengths and weaknesses. To think about the health of your relationship, ask yourself the following questions and note your instinctual answers.

• How do you feel when you’re with your partner? 
• Does my partner respect my boundaries? 
• Do we communicate openly and honestly? 
• Is there mutual support and encouragement? 
• Can I be authentic myself? 

It can be easy to try to justify the answers you’d like to give. It’s not easy to admit when a relationship is not healthy or allowing you to thrive, and it may take time. As difficult as this can be, being honest with ourselves about the answers to these kinds of questions is for our good. 

Healthy relationships bring respect, encouragement, and a sense of security. If your answers don’t reflect this, you may be experiencing an unhealthy or unsafe relationship.

What Does an Unhealthy Relationship Look Like?

Unhealthy relationships are often characterized by control, disrespect, and manipulation. There are many kinds of abuse, including but not limited to: emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, and physical. 

However, not all unhealthy relationships look the same. A relationship does not need to have physical signs of abuse in order to be unsafe. Yet there are some signs of an unsafe or abusive relationship that often appear in unhealthy and unsafe relationships. These may include:

• Constant criticism
• Isolation from loved ones
• Lack of personal freedom
• Intimidation, threats, and fearing your partner

If you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to consider your safety and well-being. No one deserves mistreatment or abuse. You are worthy of respect and peace.

What Do I Do if I’m in an Unsafe Relationship?

Even when you know the signs, it can be difficult to admit the reality of an unsafe or unhealthy relationship. 

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you may be feeling scared, confused, and unsure of what steps to take next. You might even know that the relationship is unsafe, but not be ready to take action. You are not alone in this. Taking time to recognize red flags and patterns and develop a plan to restore your well-being is a common response. In order to do this, consider the following steps: 

1. Reflect on Your Relationship: Take a moment to think about your relationship and the unique circumstances that surround it. What are you hoping to change? Why? Having a goal will allow you to stay determined and centered. 
2. Gather a Support System: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout the process. You don't have to go through this alone.
3. Seek Professional Help: Healing from an unhealthy relationship takes time and support. Consider talking to a mental health professional. If you’ve faced an unexpected pregnancy now or in the past, scheduling a time to talk with a personal advocate will also be helpful. Processing your emotions and your experience in a safe space can help you find peace and confidence moving forward.
   

What Resources Are Available?

Remember, you don't have to face this alone. Avail NYC’s personal advocates exist to support you and offer resources for every aspect of your life as you face an unexpected pregnancy or after an abortion experience. 

There are various resources available to support you on your journey. If you are a New Yorker looking for resources, consider exploring local organizations like NYC Hope. These establishments specialize in unhealthy, unsafe, or abusive relationships that can offer counseling, emergency shelters, legal aid, and assistance with restraining orders. The New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NYSCADV) also offers a wide range of resources for you where you live. 

Other organizations like One Love may also serve as a helpful resource if you find yourself in an unsafe relationship. Hotlines such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Crisis Text Line offer many different ways to reach out for help and can offer resources available near you. 

However, our dedicated and compassionate advocates offer unique in-person or online support. Our goal is to listen without judgment, offer resources, and support you through your experience.

In any relationship, your well-being matters. Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy patterns is the first step towards prioritizing your happiness and safety. If you're concerned about your relationship, remember that guidance is one call or conversation away. If you’re facing an unexpected pregnancy or coping with an abortion experience, talk with an advocate for holistic support. 

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

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