8 Ways to Support a Friend Through an Unplanned Pregnancy

Sometimes we jump into problem-solving mode because we want to help. But this isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a deeply personal experience she’s living through that comes with a mix of complex emotions. 



Instead of offering quick answers, focus on genuinely listening. Listening with compassion shows her that she’s not alone and doesn’t have to have everything figured out right away.

You can offer gentle, open-ended questions to create space for her voice:

• “How are you feeling right now?”
• “Do you want to talk about it?”
• “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.”

These phrases let her take the lead. She might want to talk, or she might just need someone to sit beside her. Either way, your presence matters.

Even if you’ve walked through something similar, her experience is unique. It’s natural to want to share your own story in an effort to connect, but sometimes that can unintentionally make her feel like there’s a “right” or expected way to respond.

What she needs most is space to name what she’s feeling without comparison, pressure, or expectation.

If she’s unsure how to begin, it’s okay to ask something like, “How are you feeling about everything right now?” or “What’s been going through your mind since you found out?”

Sometimes just being asked opens the door. Saying things like “That makes sense” or “It sounds like this feels really heavy” can show her that you’re really listening. As she processes out loud, your steady presence can help her begin to move through the initial shock toward something more grounded and clear.

It’s natural to feel surprised, worried, or even emotional yourself. But she needs to feel safe, not responsible for your response. If you’re unsure how she feels, it’s okay to pause and ask gently, “Do you want to talk about what this means for you?”

Try to hold off on any strong reactions until you have a better sense of how she’s processing the news. Your calm presence can create a sense of stability when she might feel like the ground has shifted.

If she’s unsure what to do next, there are meaningful ways you can support her without taking over. You can offer to go with her to an appointment, look up information, or just sit with her while she figures out what to do next.

Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try something more specific:

• “Would it help if I looked up local doctors with you?”
• “I can come with you to the appointment, if you’d like.”
• “Would it help to talk with someone trained to support you?”

Avail’s advocates are available for free, confidential conversations if she wants a safe place to process.

One of the most meaningful things you can do is ask her what kind of support feels right. You don’t have to guess. Just saying, “What would help right now?” or “How can I be here for you today?” creates space for her to name what she needs, even if the answer is small or uncertain.



She might not know yet, and that’s okay. Or she might surprise you with something simple, like wanting to sit quietly or talk about something completely unrelated. When you ask, you’re reminding her that her voice still matters and that she doesn’t have to carry everything alone.

This is her story to share. Don’t tell anyone else unless she asks you to. If she’s feeling anxious about telling others, you can offer to be there with her when she shares the news. But always let her take the lead.

Even casual conversations about her situation should be off-limits unless she’s given you permission. Your respect for her privacy builds trust and lets her know she’s safe with you.

In moments of uncertainty, it’s common to feel rushed to make a decision. But slowing down can create space to think clearly. You can gently encourage her to take the time she needs to reflect on her feelings, values, and hopes for the future.

Let her know that whatever she’s feeling is valid. Emotions don’t have to be sorted out right away. What matters is that she has room to process, not pressure to decide.

This guide to exploring options might help if she’s feeling overwhelmed.

Support doesn’t begin and end with the first time she shares the news. This may be something she continues to process for days, weeks, or longer. What she feels today might shift tomorrow.

Let her know you’re still there by checking in now and then. A quick message, a gentle question, or just showing up without a big agenda can go a long way. You don’t need to bring up the pregnancy every time. Simply being someone who stays close, even as things change, can mean more than you realize.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t have to say the perfect thing. The most powerful thing you can do is be present and available. Check in on her. Offer to sit with her. Let her know she’s not alone.

And if she’s open to it, help her connect with someone who can support her further. Talking with a personal advocate can help her take the next step in a way that feels right to her.

You do not have to have the perfect words or know all the answers to be a good friend and supporter. What matters most is that she feels supported and not alone. And if you are feeling unsure yourself, it is okay to seek support too.

Avail is here for both of you. Our trained advocates offer a safe and confidential space to talk, ask questions, and explore next steps. Whether your friend is ready to reach out or you want guidance on how to continue supporting her, help is available.

This is not something you have to figure out on your own. You can connect with an advocate and take the next step. Wherever you are in this process, we are ready to walk with you.