Communicating When Your Partner Disagrees

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

We all know that relationships can be tricky, and one of the biggest challenges is how to respond in a healthy way when our partner has an opinion that differs from ours. It’s easy to become defensive or start arguing, but there are healthier ways to handle these situations.

When facing an unexpected pregnancy in a relationship, communication becomes not just a tool but a bridge between conflicting perspectives. Communication offers a means to navigate through the waves of emotions and thoughts, and a pathway to understanding and support.

Recognizing the Disagreements

Sometimes, disagreements can start because of differences in personal values, envisioned life paths, and coping abilities. 

Each person in a relationship will benefit from reflecting on where their perspective stems from. Consider asking yourself, how tightly am I holding on to the life I’ve imagined for myself? Am I making a decision because of what I’ve wanted in the past, or am I open to exploring my options now? What do I value most? Why?

Once you and your partner have both thought about these questions privately, make a note of your answers and find a time to talk again. When the other person shares, simply listen. Recognizing these differences is the first step towards healthy communication.

Balancing Emotions and Logic

When disagreements get out of hand, it is often because of the imbalance between being both emotional and rational. Both emotions and logic deserve to be involved in disagreements, but they serve different purposes.

When we incorporate emotions in disagreements, it allows us to understand and empathize with our partner's feelings. Meanwhile, using logic or rationality helps us engage with their thoughts and reasoning.

The Role of Coping

Each partner's ability to cope with the situation – whether they feel overwhelmed, stable, or somewhere in between – plays a key role in how well they’re able to find this balance and what’s needed from the other partner. 

Someone feeling overwhelmed or confused may have a greater need for a supportive and understanding approach. Yet someone who might take a more explorer-like or stable stance may benefit from open and honest communication that respects their need for information and support in decision-making.

Both are deeply personal and valid responses to a big life event, and makes navigating a conversation with care very important.

Building Bridges Through Communication

Effective communication during a disagreement involves several key strategies:

1. Listening Actively: Beyond hearing the words your partner says, try to understand the emotions and thoughts behind them. Active listening involves acknowledging their feelings, asking open-ended questions, and summarizing their points to show that you truly understand their perspective. Consider asking questions like, “I’m hearing you say _____. Am I understanding you correctly?” and listen to the response.
2. Expressing Your Feelings and Thoughts Clearly: When you share, try to use "I" statements to express your own feelings and thoughts. This small change in how you share can help avoid placing blame or making assumptions about your partner's intentions. Often, this encourages a more empathetic response and reduces defensive reactions.
   
3. Seeking Common Ground: Finding common values or goals can help both partners feel more connected and open to compromise. Focusing on working together to find a solution that respects both partners' needs and concerns will lead to the best outcome.
4. Emphasizing Empathy and Support: Especially in situations of unexpected pregnancy, showing empathy towards each other's feelings and fears is key. Regardless of the decision ahead, knowing that you share mutual support and understanding can make a big difference in how both partners act and react.
5. Using Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth: When you’re in the middle of a disagreement, it can be easy to focus on the differences. Instead, try to reframe your perspective and see the disagreement as an opportunity to understand each other better and strengthen the relationship. By navigating through these challenges together, partners can develop deeper trust and resilience.
   

The Role of External Support

Oftentimes, it’s important for each partner to have their own support network as well as one that they can both come to for neutral guidance.

Friends, family, or professionals can often be useful support people, but may be inaccessible for others. The personal advocates at Avail NYC are available for everyone, free of cost.

Each partner can come separately to process or you both may choose to talk with an advocate together. Whether you want to process an unexpected pregnancy or work toward a healthy relationship, there is a space for you.

Remember, the goal of communication in the face of disagreement is not to win an argument but to find a path forward that honors both partners' feelings, needs, and values. It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to listen and adapt. By fostering a supportive and understanding environment, partners can navigate even the most challenging disagreements with dignity and respect.

Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.

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