Six Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Starting a New Relationship

How can you ensure that the relationships you enter are safe, healthy, and long-lasting? As humans, we thrive on relationships with others. Here are six questions to ask yourself when considering a new relationship.

Why do I want a relationship?

A healthy relationship begins with two healthy individuals. One mistake you can make is starting a relationship because you feel bored, insecure, or lonely. Relationships can encourage growth, but relying on someone else to provide emotional stability will only lead to heartbreak. If you were struggling with the fear of being single before you jumped into a relationship, you will feel just as alone if it ends poorly. Good reasons for entering a relationship include wanting to share love, wanting to learn, wanting to give and receive support, and desiring a future with another person.

Am I prepared for the responsibility of a relationship?

Relationships require effort. A great deal of responsibility comes with a relationship, like contributing to your partner’s happiness and preserving his/her safety. There are a few misconceptions about responsibility in a relationship. You are not held accountable for your partner’s actions or any decisions he/she may make. Unhealthy relationships begin when you feel completely responsible for your significant other. You should both be held accountable to protect and put in the effort in to grow your relationship, but you are not responsible for each other’s individual actions.

What are my deal-breakers?

Have you ever sat down to write a list of qualities you are looking for in a significant other? We tend to write characteristics like funny, nice, good looking, ambitious, and so on.  On top of the list of attributes you are looking for, create another list of qualities you will not tolerate in a relationship. Setting up these boundaries in the beginning will help you to discern if a relationship is worth pursuing and when you need to end an unhealthy situation. What values and morals do you admire? Would you tolerate cheating? Asking yourself the hard questions before you decide to date will help you to find the right match.

What do I expect from this relationship?

Do not ignore the red flags you perceive early on in your relationship simply because you want it to work. Communication of your expectations for the relationship is key. It is also unhealthy to have expectations that even you could not meet. Do you hold your partner to unrealistic expectations? Here is a list of some basic relationship expectations.

What You Should Expect?

  • Trust
  • Encouragement
  • Respect
  • Safety
  • Friendship
  • Honesty
  • Love

What You Should Not Expect?

  • Fairy tales
  • No more problems
  • Finding your identity in your partner
  • Perfection
  • To never feel hurt or disappointed
  • To get everything you want
  • To always receive what you put in

Am I bringing baggage into this relationship?

Taking past hurt and insecurities into a new relationship is an indication of emotions and thoughts that have not fully healed. This can cause distraction and even prevent any potential relationship to grow. Struggling with your past is normal, but it is unhealthy to project your hurt onto another human being. Discussing your past with your partner will allow you to understand any burdens you are carrying. Give your relationship a chance to grow, and give your partner a chance to be someone different.

Can I Still Pursue My Dreams?

Even though two people constitute a relationship, do not forget your own identities. You both came into this relationship with different talents, abilities, and dreams. You should encourage individuality, because you did not enter into a relationship with yourself. Ask yourself if your partner truly encourages your dreams and desires.

It can be tough to evaluate a relationship’s potential in the beginning, but asking yourself these questions will give a better idea of the future you will have with your significant other. Avail NYC supports healthy relationships.